From palace to prison by way of perception

When I first got here I thought of this place as a palace, so spacious with such high walls and ceilings, so many large rooms. I was alone then and I rattled around the place, I remember feeling like a lost princess in an old black and white Bollywood film. I flatter myself I know but that is how I saw it, felt it, that was my perception. Almost exactly twelve months later it has become my prison, I pace the back yard like it was exercise time at the local penitentiary. I am not alone and I ask my other inmates what they are in for, what did they do to deserve this!! I don’t mean that last part but I do mean the part about feeling it has become like a prison. I am so sick of these walls, sick of this space. I can’t go out, nothing changes, nothing improves, nothing gets more exciting, the air is stale, the oxygen is gone.

As far as I can tell all that has really altered is my perception, the walls are still high but now they block my view of the world beyond. The rooms are still large and the ceilings high but they are the same boring colours and heavy walls. The back yard that was so spacious now has confines. The air that was new and fresh and exciting is now warm, dusty and stale and makes me want to run, to try and fill my lungs with fresh air and see if I can breathe again and maybe it would if I wasn’t running around in the same circle, behind the same walls. Perception.