Blind date in extremis

Usually when I first get in from a flight I like to beg a bit of rest and take it slowly, yesterday that was not possible. I walked into the office and was greeted with the news that I had two invititations to go to, one was that minute, lunch with two male colleagues, brothers, at their house and I was already late and one was later that afternoon on the back of the lunch appointment, an engagement party...for a girl who works for me who was no where near being engaged when I left her 3 weeks ago.

You could look at it another way, in some respects it is not a surprise to me that she is engaged all of a sudden. The last time I saw her we were bemoaning the heart ache of forbidden loves as she recounted the latest twist in her relationship with a boy whose father happens to be high up in one of the t-rrorist organisations that operates in this area. Needless to say she was pretty scared when a month or so ago the father saw her and his son together in the capital, causing the son to have to lie profusely that his father must have been mistaken and seen someone that looked like him with a girl. Such things must have begun to be known because the solution to such a problem in a culture such as this is to get married...and quick. Better to marry than to burn, eh, St. Paul. Or should I say other people's solution to such things is to get you married, it is less active on the individual's part.

And so this was the ceremony I was dragged out to that afternoon, dressed in a pink nylon creation that the wife of the man I had gone to lunch with had made for me, diplomacy is strong with me. There were carpets laid out on the concrete floor of the indoor courtyard of a poorish, middle class home. There was an awning tied over the opening like a tent. Bit by bit the metal door to the side street would open and in would come ladies and their children vieled in blue or black nylon, they would pick a slot by the wall and begin to unveil themselves, revealing bright coloured, nylon, sequined, sheer, tight clothing and faces with thick dark lipstick, heavy eyeliner, and glittered eyes atop heavily whitened faces. The seated they would catch the eye of those already in the room and say silent greetings to each person from a 7 metre distance. Young women came with their young daughters, the daughters brought their tiny babies, and the number of breasts that came out to feed these young was astonishing and rather off putting. I observed oddly that all the small breastfed tikes were male...maybe its that you don't parade your girl babies out becuase they are not as prestigious as male ones.

These affairs are never raucous nor are they particularly friendly, unless you know someone specifically you keep to your space with your own crew of girls and look sourly at the girls who are dressed better than you, or are wearing more makeup than they should, or wearing something too tight. This is really sad for me, this is one of the only settings where they can do this sort of dressing up and they don't encourage eachother in it but tear eachother down. They bring the restrictions and ideas of shame in from the street and splash them all over eachother even though they would bitterly reject them when they are put on them by men.

The girl children are the best attraction, like their mothers and sisters they are dressed up in lipstick and glitter and dresses made of bright netting and wearing sandals with big heels for small feet. They hold court in the middle of the courtyard, periodically dancing and clapping, and pulling and shoving eachother and being hissed at by their mothers to get back by their side, which never lasts long. And then the bride- and groom-to-be arrive, preceded by members of his family banging drums and dancing slightly. They must, and do, probably without much acting, look miserable. She is caked in makeup but looks beautiful. Her hair is raised in a high beehive and curled at the back and she is draped in a green and gold cloth that covers her gaudy coloured netted outfit underneath. Frankly he could have made more of an effort and looks like he just put on his day to day clothes. I am told he is 27 years old but with the henna in his hair I would put him on the middle side of 30. They are made to sit on a double sofa in the corner of the room that some of the children have had their picture taken in front of already. They sit there next to eachother, most probably the first time they have ever been in physical contact and look glum. Sweets are thrown at them which the children then scramble to eat, leaving wrappers strewn on the floor as if they were deliberate confetti. Different guests get up and take turns to be photographed sitting next to the miserable couple. At some point during this process and without me noticing, the groom was no longer there. He was hardly missed clearly. Then the food starts.

The food did not enter through the usual portal such as the kitchen door but arrived over the wall! We noticed an impostor to the party in the form of a young teenage boy perched on the wall directly above our heads, some women covered their faces with their veils but it soon became apparent that he was part of the family and was an anticipated figure seated straddling the 6ft mud wall. We understood why as his form reached down the other side of the wall and reappeared holding a large round metal tray. Now getting this passed down to women on our side of the wall, directly above our heads gave us some cause for concern, not least because the women recieving the trays were not very tall nor was the boy very long in the arm so there was by necessity a certain angling of the tray into the hands of the recipient which meant the glass bowls of ice cream tipped precariously to one edge. As with most of the slightly reckless activities of this place it worked out fine and this process of passing trays continued until every woman and child had had some ice cream and a fizzy drink.

Three hours had passed by this point and knowing that this slightly uneventful event would continue for several more hours I said my farewells, donned my black ninja veil and departed.